I puked a lego.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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