yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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