I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
