So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
