Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
