Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
