I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
