I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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