all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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