He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
