dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
