So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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