Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
