You smell like a Billy Joel song
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
