So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
