I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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