So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
