Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
