i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Randomize
