If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
