it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
