I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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