This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
