I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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