i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
