we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
