he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
