something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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