Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
