I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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