we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So squirting runs in the family.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
