Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
