I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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