I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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