He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
