i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
