how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
