3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
