I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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