oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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