A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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