drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
