Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
