The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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