I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
