Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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