I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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