I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
