I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
