wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
