its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
