i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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